After coming home from my 5 am workout (yes, yes, I know how insane I am. And that's why I'm sitting down typing now, because walking is somewhat difficult. Many more days of that and I'm sure breathing will even become a challenge. But I digress....), I decided to lie back down in the bed for a few minutes, just to get a little rest before the rest of the day began. Of course, I fell asleep, taking a short nap. Before long, Kacie comes in explaining that Coy has a "stinky diaper". I mumbled to Derrick to take care of this so I could have just "five more minutes" of rest before getting the kids ready to take to school. He agreed (God bless him!!) and got up to take care of the stinky situation. He came back to bed and asked for his five more minutes as well. By this time, the kids are running amuck in the living room and then little miss tattle-tell comes to the rescue again..."Mommy, Coy's eating chocolate!" Ok, ok, I'm up, I'm up!!! Thanks to Derrick leaving a box of Whitman's sampler in the little guy's reach and giving him a bite of one last night...Coy thinks they are fair game. So I come in to find this:


And Happy Wednesday to You!

What a wonderful Easter Day we had!! Early church, then Sunday School, then off to Mimi and Poppa's for the day. Egg hunting, fishing, and driving lessons (don't ask!) made for an awesome day. Kacie, Coy, and Bit Bit had the most fun and we enjoyed them so much! Even Kacie had to stop and say a very special prayer thanking God for such a glorious day! Thank you, God, for your glory and greatness!!!!

Third Day has this new song called "Revelation". In it, they ask God to give them revelation in their lives--to reveal "what's next". It got me thinking...if strong believers like them need revelation from God--then little ole sinful me sure does, too. So I asked...and I received. Remember that old saying about being careful what you wish for.....

So one of the "revelations" I've had is about where my head (and heart) has been these past few years. I've done a lot of changing, that is for sure. I've grown--due to rather painful testing at times, but I think God really is trying to mold me if I will let Him. It hurts, but I know it's worth it. I've come to realize a lot of the selfishness I've been trapping myself in. Mainly in my marriage, but also as a person in general. I realized that I have been so caught up in "who I am" and "who I want to be" that I've totally missed the whole point! It's not about who I am or who I want to be--it's about who God wants me to be and about who He made me to be!!

Talk about a hit on the head with a two-by-four. Whoa!!

Growing up, I was always "Mr. Ryals' daughter" or "Mary Ella's little girl". So when I got to college, I was so excited to be "me". I spent most of that time just trying to find out who "I" was. By the time I had almost gotten there, I got married. Then I became "Derrick's wife." Just when I had gotten used to that (five years later, mind you, and I still wonder am I really used to it :) ), I became "Kacie's mommy."

For the longest time when I'd see kids at daycare or even at the store, I'd hear kids tell their parents, "That's Kacie Bell's mommy." I used to scream inside my hide at them, "My name is Beth!" I wanted to spout out my list of accomplishments and triumphs all on my own so that they could see I was so much more than just "Kacie's mommy." Then along came Coy. So now, I'm "Coy and Kacie's mommy." ENOUGH ALREADY!!! What about me? What happened to Beth? I mean, come on, I am a pharmacist who co-owns her own business, I'm active in the church and my community. Why isn't that good enough for me just to be me?

Here comes the two-by-four (as you might expect)....

God reminded me who else I was. I was also His child. First, foremost, and above all, I was a child of God. And furthermore...."Beth" was a worthless shell of a sinner without God and His love and mercy. "Beth" is a no one, a no good speck of dust in the grand scheme of the universe. But because of God's love and mercy, He created me to be a child of His. And that's what mattered. Everything else I was or am or hope to be means nothing if I forget my true purpose in this life here on Earth. It is to serve God. And I serve Him as a daughter, a mother, a wife, and all those other things I want (or don't want) to be.

So after that hard realization--I prayed about it and really thought about it, and decided--I am so proud that I am not just "Beth". I am so glad that I am "Dennis and Mary's daughter", "Derrick's wife", "Coy and Kacie's mommy", "Floyd and Ouida and Bill and Doris' grandaughter", and...well you get the picture. Most of all, I am so grateful that I am "God's child"!!!

So the next time you start to feel sorry for yourself because you've "lost your identity". Pick your head up, smile, and say, "Thank you God, for losing 'me'." And then, tell you 'self' goodbye!!