Identity Crisis

Third Day has this new song called "Revelation". In it, they ask God to give them revelation in their lives--to reveal "what's next". It got me thinking...if strong believers like them need revelation from God--then little ole sinful me sure does, too. So I asked...and I received. Remember that old saying about being careful what you wish for.....

So one of the "revelations" I've had is about where my head (and heart) has been these past few years. I've done a lot of changing, that is for sure. I've grown--due to rather painful testing at times, but I think God really is trying to mold me if I will let Him. It hurts, but I know it's worth it. I've come to realize a lot of the selfishness I've been trapping myself in. Mainly in my marriage, but also as a person in general. I realized that I have been so caught up in "who I am" and "who I want to be" that I've totally missed the whole point! It's not about who I am or who I want to be--it's about who God wants me to be and about who He made me to be!!

Talk about a hit on the head with a two-by-four. Whoa!!

Growing up, I was always "Mr. Ryals' daughter" or "Mary Ella's little girl". So when I got to college, I was so excited to be "me". I spent most of that time just trying to find out who "I" was. By the time I had almost gotten there, I got married. Then I became "Derrick's wife." Just when I had gotten used to that (five years later, mind you, and I still wonder am I really used to it :) ), I became "Kacie's mommy."

For the longest time when I'd see kids at daycare or even at the store, I'd hear kids tell their parents, "That's Kacie Bell's mommy." I used to scream inside my hide at them, "My name is Beth!" I wanted to spout out my list of accomplishments and triumphs all on my own so that they could see I was so much more than just "Kacie's mommy." Then along came Coy. So now, I'm "Coy and Kacie's mommy." ENOUGH ALREADY!!! What about me? What happened to Beth? I mean, come on, I am a pharmacist who co-owns her own business, I'm active in the church and my community. Why isn't that good enough for me just to be me?

Here comes the two-by-four (as you might expect)....

God reminded me who else I was. I was also His child. First, foremost, and above all, I was a child of God. And furthermore...."Beth" was a worthless shell of a sinner without God and His love and mercy. "Beth" is a no one, a no good speck of dust in the grand scheme of the universe. But because of God's love and mercy, He created me to be a child of His. And that's what mattered. Everything else I was or am or hope to be means nothing if I forget my true purpose in this life here on Earth. It is to serve God. And I serve Him as a daughter, a mother, a wife, and all those other things I want (or don't want) to be.

So after that hard realization--I prayed about it and really thought about it, and decided--I am so proud that I am not just "Beth". I am so glad that I am "Dennis and Mary's daughter", "Derrick's wife", "Coy and Kacie's mommy", "Floyd and Ouida and Bill and Doris' grandaughter", and...well you get the picture. Most of all, I am so grateful that I am "God's child"!!!

So the next time you start to feel sorry for yourself because you've "lost your identity". Pick your head up, smile, and say, "Thank you God, for losing 'me'." And then, tell you 'self' goodbye!!