Our beloved family pet, our dog Eeyore passed away last night. We aren't sure what happened, but we think he got caught up around a tree and choked himself on the leash. We are all very sad, especially Derrick and I. He has been with us for 7 and 1/2 years...longer than our kids. He was our first child and we will miss him terribly.

:(

I have no patience. I am so short tempered, even with my own kids, that I started to wonder if I was really cut out to be a mom. I thought I was the worst mom in the world, but, after praying hard for God to guide me in a direction of service, an opportunity presented itself. We needed Sunday School teachers. I prayed, God answered, I volunteered. Then, the question was, where would I teach? I'd been in Kacie's four-year-old class a lot and I'd helped in the two-year-olds, but I just wasn't sure where to go. Neither was Ms Betty, so we both prayed about it. Then I was approached about helping Donna with a three-year-old class next year. All the kids I'd helped with in the two's this year would be in my class next year. All of a sudden--God began to show me His workings. I thought, "Perfect. This works." Then Bible School this week.
I have been a big ole' stress ball. Things at work have been very hectic, I felt so unprepared for VBS, I was just stressing big time!! Then, what I thought would be a total NIGHTMARE--seven boys 3 years old--has been a true blessing. God has shown me my area of service. I'm loving these kids. I have had such a blessing and found a new patience I didn't know I had. God is so good!!! Thank you, Lord, for showing me your greatness!!

After coming home from my 5 am workout (yes, yes, I know how insane I am. And that's why I'm sitting down typing now, because walking is somewhat difficult. Many more days of that and I'm sure breathing will even become a challenge. But I digress....), I decided to lie back down in the bed for a few minutes, just to get a little rest before the rest of the day began. Of course, I fell asleep, taking a short nap. Before long, Kacie comes in explaining that Coy has a "stinky diaper". I mumbled to Derrick to take care of this so I could have just "five more minutes" of rest before getting the kids ready to take to school. He agreed (God bless him!!) and got up to take care of the stinky situation. He came back to bed and asked for his five more minutes as well. By this time, the kids are running amuck in the living room and then little miss tattle-tell comes to the rescue again..."Mommy, Coy's eating chocolate!" Ok, ok, I'm up, I'm up!!! Thanks to Derrick leaving a box of Whitman's sampler in the little guy's reach and giving him a bite of one last night...Coy thinks they are fair game. So I come in to find this:


And Happy Wednesday to You!

What a wonderful Easter Day we had!! Early church, then Sunday School, then off to Mimi and Poppa's for the day. Egg hunting, fishing, and driving lessons (don't ask!) made for an awesome day. Kacie, Coy, and Bit Bit had the most fun and we enjoyed them so much! Even Kacie had to stop and say a very special prayer thanking God for such a glorious day! Thank you, God, for your glory and greatness!!!!

Third Day has this new song called "Revelation". In it, they ask God to give them revelation in their lives--to reveal "what's next". It got me thinking...if strong believers like them need revelation from God--then little ole sinful me sure does, too. So I asked...and I received. Remember that old saying about being careful what you wish for.....

So one of the "revelations" I've had is about where my head (and heart) has been these past few years. I've done a lot of changing, that is for sure. I've grown--due to rather painful testing at times, but I think God really is trying to mold me if I will let Him. It hurts, but I know it's worth it. I've come to realize a lot of the selfishness I've been trapping myself in. Mainly in my marriage, but also as a person in general. I realized that I have been so caught up in "who I am" and "who I want to be" that I've totally missed the whole point! It's not about who I am or who I want to be--it's about who God wants me to be and about who He made me to be!!

Talk about a hit on the head with a two-by-four. Whoa!!

Growing up, I was always "Mr. Ryals' daughter" or "Mary Ella's little girl". So when I got to college, I was so excited to be "me". I spent most of that time just trying to find out who "I" was. By the time I had almost gotten there, I got married. Then I became "Derrick's wife." Just when I had gotten used to that (five years later, mind you, and I still wonder am I really used to it :) ), I became "Kacie's mommy."

For the longest time when I'd see kids at daycare or even at the store, I'd hear kids tell their parents, "That's Kacie Bell's mommy." I used to scream inside my hide at them, "My name is Beth!" I wanted to spout out my list of accomplishments and triumphs all on my own so that they could see I was so much more than just "Kacie's mommy." Then along came Coy. So now, I'm "Coy and Kacie's mommy." ENOUGH ALREADY!!! What about me? What happened to Beth? I mean, come on, I am a pharmacist who co-owns her own business, I'm active in the church and my community. Why isn't that good enough for me just to be me?

Here comes the two-by-four (as you might expect)....

God reminded me who else I was. I was also His child. First, foremost, and above all, I was a child of God. And furthermore...."Beth" was a worthless shell of a sinner without God and His love and mercy. "Beth" is a no one, a no good speck of dust in the grand scheme of the universe. But because of God's love and mercy, He created me to be a child of His. And that's what mattered. Everything else I was or am or hope to be means nothing if I forget my true purpose in this life here on Earth. It is to serve God. And I serve Him as a daughter, a mother, a wife, and all those other things I want (or don't want) to be.

So after that hard realization--I prayed about it and really thought about it, and decided--I am so proud that I am not just "Beth". I am so glad that I am "Dennis and Mary's daughter", "Derrick's wife", "Coy and Kacie's mommy", "Floyd and Ouida and Bill and Doris' grandaughter", and...well you get the picture. Most of all, I am so grateful that I am "God's child"!!!

So the next time you start to feel sorry for yourself because you've "lost your identity". Pick your head up, smile, and say, "Thank you God, for losing 'me'." And then, tell you 'self' goodbye!!

Every night it's the same thing--fighting the kids over bedtime. Coy is still in his crib (partially due to the fact that I am way to lazy to deal with keeping him in a big boy bed right now, and also due to the fact Kacie came out of the crib WAY too early!!), so we can put him down and at least let him cry himself to sleep...that is, if you can catch him to put him in the crib first.

But Kacie...that's a whole other story. We've tried EVERYTHING. She's scared of her own shadow, so she says she's scared to sleep in her room. Although, I think, mostly, she's just afraid she's going to miss something. We can send her to bed (like tonight) at 7:45, and we'll be lucky if she's asleep by 11. First, it's potty, then it's water, then I forgot my Claritin (which I just remembered now...brb...)...then who knows what's next.

I've been told they'll grow out of it...but I don't think I can survive that long!

The only thing I hate more than being sick--is one of my babies being sick. I hate when the big baby is sick because it is pitiful to see this: a grown man + any ailment= instant two year old. I did not sign up for that! Or maybe I did...anyway...I digress.

The worst is when my real babies are sick. Luckily, since our ear infection days with Kacie, she has been relatively healthy...at least no major "I need my mommy" illnesses.

Coy has been sick for almost a week now, and I'm nearly beside myself. The medicine he takes for his double ear infection makes his little tummy all in a tizzy. He has so much congestion and drainage that he gets choked on his many coughs and throws up at least twice a day. It's like he has the stomach virus, without a stomach virus, but with all the mess that goes with it!!

Calgon...take me away!!!

The messy part I can handle, but my baby's crying and me not being able to help him is more than more poor heart can take. I pray God will heal him, not for my sake, but for his little one. I know God doesn't make our children sick so he can test us, but I think he does use these sickness as an opportunity. There is nothing like rocking a sick baby to make you want your Heavenly Father to rock you, too.

I hope you make Coy well, God, but I thank you for making realize I'm a sick child, too, and I need you like Coy needs me.

Psalm 127:3Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward